Mentalists in the Attic

I have bats on my brain. They squawk at me flapping their arms, concealing carnivores beneath their jumpers, threatening to publish me and stitch skin into thick volumes to print their demented tales on.

Leroy 'the big easy, oven bake' L'Haine, aka The Publisher tells us about his Paris adventures, of how bats nibbled through ceilings eating their landlady and forcing him to take drastic measures against the neighbours to prevent knowledge of their walker crisp, croissant and human flesh eating ways from becoming public. We smile and nod, he is mad and one day will be incarcerated in a chuck palahniuk horror story.

Ailbhe visited me for a bit of culture, but we can not be together too long as we become combustible, leaving a wake of charred brain cells and broken glasses behind us. My housemates giggled at the madness of it, but I wonder if they would still giggle if they knew just how far we can go and have gone and will go in the near future? We had the delight of bringing a tall dark mentalist on our trip down logic lane, singing of the wonders we met along the way but he added nothing but paraffin to the mix and it all went horribly wrong. We got on it, off it and giggled the weekend away.

We tumbled through oxford looking for the white spaces in art, and drinking grotesque cocktails in the QI, free wine in the turf and more fun things in the grand café… Eventually we ended back in my house where ailbhe and I licked eyeballs and dusty noses, drank pimms and got told off for dancing on Mathew langthorpes bed.

Finally we all lay in shambles in my little attic room, blowing bubbles and giggling. As we recover with coffee and sunshine Leroy relived his days working for O2 customer services, shouting in a gruff voice that he is batman, bats, batty to the core. We become an oxford gang with me as a mustached punisher, and mattie tells me he would be attracted to me if only I grew one for real. But eventually, as the sun grows dim and Leroy sees a sign shining in the sky and leaves us we are so sad we curl up on sofas and watch 'batman begins' giggling with glee.